What happened vs. What I saw

I have been very busy for the past few months.  My life has been a literal whirlwind.  I have moved. New Job. New Surroundings. New life…. So I thought.

What happened…

Last weekend, I got a glimpse of the person that I used to be and the person I could have grown into.  And that left me sitting wide eyed and saying, “I just wanted to watch football.”  Let me tell you about THIS.

I have a roommate.  She and I know each other but we are in the process of building a friendship.  Moving on… we were washing clothes on Saturday when she received a text.  She said, “My baby’s daddy is here.”  I saw the shock on her face.  I mean he drove 8 hours to just make a surprising appearance.  We walked outside the laundromat at our apartment and he was getting out his car.  My intuition told me this weekend had the potential to be horrendous or awesome.  I like to remain optimistic.  They have a history together and I mean that is completely understandable.  It just is not the smoothest history.

I left them and let them have some time to talk.  It seemed like all was well.  They went shopping… he took her to dinner… they came back and we even went out downtown for the night.  I did notice he was on his phone majority of the time and my roommate didn’t particularly appreciate that.  But she and I danced and had a great time.

Sunday… I got up early and went to visit a church.  My roommate and her baby’s daddy were still sleep (I suspected).  When I came back, they were awake.  She had cooked him breakfast.  They got dressed and they left to go somewhere.  Later, she came back and she was by herself.  He had left apparently.  We had “girl talk.”  She said she suspected his reason for coming to visit was to be nosy.  She talked about him being on the phone A LOT.  But she seemed like everything was pretty cool.  I am very analytic and I did not see anything that was necessarily negative during the conversation.  I told her about my church experience.  We talked more and laughed.  So I brought up the idea of going to a restaurant to watch football and eat.  She agreed.

We get dressed and we head to the restaurant.  We had the longest waiting time imaginable.  But we finally got our table despite a discrepancy.  Cool.  We order our food and my roommate says, “Oh hell no!”  I was like “What?”  She said, “That’s my baby’s daddy at the bar hugged up with that chick!”  I looked up and truly enough… there he was.  My roommate pulls out her phone and takes a picture of him and the girl.  I was saying to her, “Well, you all are not together.  He can date.”  She says, “NO. He was JUST talking to me about getting back together AND getting married.”  I felt like someone had hit me on the head with a hammer. Uh-oh…

Before I knew it, she was on the phone with his Aunt and she was livid.  My roommate tried to go over to the bar but I used every ounce of convincing in me to get her to stay at the table.  Fortunately, she did! Yes! I felt accomplished.  A few minutes had gone by and she was still angry and on the phone.  He left the bar… only to walk right by our table.  He surprisingly looks at us.  He tried to sweet talk her and she yelled “Get out of my face!”  It called some attention to our table.  He kept standing over her trying to talk to her and then she pulled her hand back and smacked/punched him across the face.  I swiftly left the table.  They began fighting.  They fought their way from the bar area through the whole restaurant out to the parking lot.  I remained in the restaurant.  I stuck to my goal! I came to watch the game AND eat. (Don’t talk about my loyalty. I’m loyal to a T but I have too much to lose at this stage in my life.)  Our food came by the time they made it out the door.

Apparently the fight continued in the parking lot with the restaurant’s manager trying to break them up.  Baby daddy was trying to get into the car and fight at the same time.  My roommate fought until he could close the car door successfully without her on him and he sped off.  She hung on to the car kicking and putting dents in it before she eventually fell off into the road.

In the meantime, I sat in this restaurant with people staring at me.  I mean you are talking about all eyes on you…  more attention was on me than what is on celebrities at a movie premiere.  My hands were shaking as I was trying to eat a chicken wing.  Some people were making jokes.  Some were talking bad about her… and even ME!  No one said anything about him.


What I saw…

I saw this fight break out.  I knew exactly ALL the emotions my roommate felt.  I was in her shoes before.  Allow me to elaborate.  A man that you have been in a relationship OR situationship with leads you on about making a future together.  He comes to visit.  He butters you up.  You’re happy.  He’s finally thinking realistically (you say in your head).  You are thinking of forgiving him and making things work because “BOTH” of you all want the same thing.  When all along… that man never had good intentions for you.  He didn’t want you… but he wanted to keep you around for his benefit.  Hurt becomes an understatement when you see it for what it really is.  Sometimes it comes quickly and boldly.

I DO NOT condone domestic violence whatsoever.  I have been in a situation where I was hurt by a guy and I flew off on him.  Everything that he could have possibly done wrong to me while we were together came out in that period of me flying off.  Those emotions come out like, “How could you do this to me?; I don’t deserve this!; What in the hell made you think you would get away with this?; Why me?; etc.”  They can come out in the form of a verbal or physical hit.

We as women tolerate and harbor so much of our emotions.  But when is enough, FINALLY enough?  Listening to my roommate’s history about her relationship with him, she had become bitter.  He always came back into the picture for years filling her head with false lies about what could be and playing with her.  Every let down was a deadly punch to her.  Now, she is severely hurt.

I was once in her shoes.  I had received my punches and I had thrown them too.  One day, I knew I had to make up my mind and change my situation.  I knew exactly what was going to happen to the next guy that did this to me.  I did not want to become bitter and bitter was steadily knocking at my door.  I was hurt.  I wasn’t going to allow anyone to hurt me anymore.  I knew what I wanted and if someone wasn’t up for offering me that, I sent them packing.  DO NOT WASTE MY TIME!  BUT I had to put the shoe on the other foot.  I had to hold myself accountable just as I did anyone else.

One thing I decided I would not allow again was for me to make a mockery of myself on the behalf of someone else.  I’ll let you partake in the debauchery on your own.  That is NOT who I am OR who I want to be.  I did learn my lesson.  Unfortunately for my roommate, she did not.

When she had cleaned herself up and came back in the restaurant, the gossiping overshadowed the football game itself.  I don’t know if she was embarrassed or what.  I continued to eat and we talked a little bit.  She dropped her head to hide her face at one point.  We left the restaurant.  By the time we got to the car, her baby daddy had sent her a text.  It read, “Who is the B*tch now? Good luck.”

We all have decisions to make.




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